"So Good" Resounding

Life is so sweet right now. Yeah, classes are a pain and my grades are horrifying, but, you see, there are several bright points:

I think I maybe might go back to church again. "To forget to death of dreams, to forgive heartache, to begin to feel joy" is what I want.

Y'all are pushing me to "get the ball rolling", but I'm perfectly content with my unsightly blushes, with still questioning and wondering. I don't want a relationship. It's enough just to recover. I think the lack of initiative is actually kind of nice, and it gives me some illusion of control over where this is going. I'm also content to just be friends. When I can look at 'm in the eye without frantically darting away, well... we'll see where it goes from there. To enjoy bone crushing hugs, intelligent conversation, and the occasional hike is enough. Reasons not to date still stand, but as JS and BO say, "No one has a clean slate."

I don't want to be idealistic anymore.

Fun dinners have officially begun! I'm glad BO and MW are in my life, for sure. They make me laugh so hard I think I'll throw up.

Pop, Crackle, Wait, What?

Feels like I'm about to cross a line. Head tilted back and its gone. I don't want to be dependent, but I'll do what I have to do get things done. I know you won't approve, but I do what I have to. You should understand that. Or will you?

Takes Too Long

I'm not new at this, she admitted. Sweaty shaking hands tremble while a the nervous stutter land her words on the cutting board. A tremble tangles up the words in her windpipe. I'm not experienced either, came the murmur. Her thoughts tumbled through her mouth like laundry from the wash - damp, and slightly unpleasant to the touch.

I have no idea what I'm doing

There are so many cons.

**Edit: Okay, I lied. There are virtually no cons. The cons are all minor details. He's kinda perfect.

Drowning in you

Drink to me only with thine eyes,

And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss within the cup
And I'll not ask for wine.
The thirst that from the soul doth rise
Doth ask a drink divine;
But might I of Jove's nectar sup,
I would not change for thine.

I sent thee late a rosy wreath,
Not so much honouring thee
As giving it a hope that there
It could not withered be;
But thou thereon didst only breathe,
And sent'st it back to me;
Since when it grows, and smells, I swear,
Not of itself but thee!

image from Moon Face: Simple Pleasures

My Sign Is Vital

I wonder what is that makes me gravitate towards certain kinds of people. They all aren't certainly alike, and I really only want a sense of humor and happiness in the people I hang out with. I certainly admire kindness, but i isn't something I can informally do, and while some things irritate me to no end, nothing has disrupted my smooth sailing so far. I've had two conversations tonight - well this morning, rather - about the same thing, both cheered me up immensely for cracking me up:

T: omg
K: ITS NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS.
T: if i was in your situation

T: i'd sayim practically balls deep
K: HAHA
T: no! i think thats a good thing!
K: But all our conversations are LEGIT
T: o_O

T: BALLS DEEP
K: getting to know you level = 8
T: BALLS DEEP
K: HAHA
T: WHATS YOUR HESITATION!

AH: "her short tiny bit of sentences exude charm off the screen"

AH: "it is almost palpable"

AH: "smothering me like ablanket"

AH: "made of pink sparkly glitter dust"

AH: "I'M SUFFOCATING IN PINK SPARKLY GLITTER DUST, ANDREW"

AH: "WHAT HAS YOUR FRIEND DONE"

I had a really lovely time today with my neighbor's family and MW at dinner! We went to Cheeseboard and bought two full pizzas, sitting inside and listening to the jazz triplet play, then walked to Crepevine for a delicious Santorini crepe, strawberry cheesecake, nutella and banana crepe and hot chocolate for the family. We didn't get to go to Love At First Bite, but MW, BO and I shall endeavor to venture down to North side for fun weekly dinners. Huzzah! Afterwards MW and I walked back up to CKC so that I would work on my philosophy paper... and when MW returned and I was grumpily mugging my laptop screen, she pulled out a swim cap. And not just any old swim cap, but a bright blue one that looks like the one above (from Kiefer swim products) an promptly stretched it over her head. BO walked back in my room and she proudly displayed the cap, asking "B, what does this say?"

"I'm having a good time!"

"Nooo..."

"I'm having a SHAMU of a time!!!"

Oh lord. The fun will never stop. I laughed so hard I almost "wee"d (In CA's lovely words) myself.

Twirling her sick lullabies

I consider myself lucky. Recently whenever I feel myself get a bout of sadness, I devote myself to the first activity I can think of. Fortunately for me, I'm developing rather solid relationships with my building-mates and neighboors (that one's for you, KT!). However, I seem to be horrendously attached to my cellular phone. Guess who I check for?

Excerpts from "Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals"

" There is therefore but one categorical imperative, namely, this:

Act only on that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it become a universal law"

Second Formulation: "Act as if the maxim of your action were to become by your will a universal law of nature."

Third Formulation: "So act as to treat humanity, whether in your own person or in that of any other, in every case a the same time as an end, never as a means only."

"Now I say: the human being and in general every rational being exists as an end in itself, not merely as a means to be arbitrarily used by this or that will, but in all his actions, whether they concern himself or other rational beings, must be always regarded at the same time as an end...The foundation of this principle is: rational nature exists as an end in itself."

Immanuel Kant

I have to go

So let's find a bar, where we forget who we are, where all the scars from the "never"s and "maybes" die.

Out tonight.

Mucho love to Abby and Khoi for listening to me whine and stalk :)

Medicinal tongue in my ear

She says, "You're a masochist for falling for me"

So roll up your sleeves

Das Herz hat seine Gruende die Vernunft nicht kennt.