2011

In 2011 I began with being very well loved. I spent my break with Asu and Koi running around. I was haunted by dreams three times. I learned to walk from bad relationships. I realized I learned how to protect myself. I called someone a whore and gave him the finger. It was glorious.

I saw the alps and got to know my padre better in the hidden alleyways of Zurich. I took naps in parks and went grocery shopping for meals with him. We always bought watermelon. I ziplined through the rain forest. I saw my sister crush on a tanned CR with some gnarly scars and a pair of dimples. I swam in the Carribean with fish and dogs. I danced on the beaches of Costa Rica and walked into warm waves at night. I sun burned the entirety of my forehead. "....You.... You are red like lobster."

I lived in a crazy home. I went to the ER. I told secrets at night. Mark petted my hair, Eden&Isa, Sam, Menaka, Carlos, Max. Now they all know. Whew. I met my family. Strong, independent, witty, creative, crazy people with the biggest hearts. Holly, Stella, Marcia and my neighbor-ino Christina. Jojo, Zak, and Pardeep. Waking up every morning to Ben and Menaka's sunny face drinking endless jars and jars of coffee or PuErh tea. I watched the final Harry Potter dressed as a death eater. Wands were picked up along the way. M took me for a walk in the Berkeley Rose garden, and we ate rose petals. Came home to Menaka, Eden & Isa making good luck/I love you posters and Maxy's wonderful peanut banana chocolate chip cookies. I cried. We danced on the rooftop and stooped hard in the lazy sun. We made bubbles out of old paper towel rolls and washed dishes together. We cooked delicious food and sang our hearts out in the kitchen. Really, our hearts out. Props may have been involved. Holly kissed our heads goodnight while we cuddled on the couch. I laughed my ass off at Eden's antics ("Once I ordered sdjfls.. and it was drowning in sauce!" "Once I ordered veal and they gave me unicorn."). I love Angela's cool indifference. One hot mamcita, she is. Listened to M, Walbridge, and Fernando play FIFA down the hall. We watched the sun go down. Special dinner. I danced with you in your room. You kissed me on the head and boy did you look fancy in your suspenders and tie. Swoon. I learned what "being home" meant. Coming home to excited cries of "Kimbo!!!" and open arms. And cookies. The cookies were great.

Right after summer finals and baking a storm. Oreos were involved. I went to Outsidelands with M and Kitchin, and briefly met up with Walbridge. his sister is tall and gorgeous.. I saw Major Laser, Girls!, The Tuneyards, Beirut, DeadMau5!!! And the life changing Arcade Fire. She sang and danced on stage like a fairy. He put his soul into his music. Never before have I seen an entire crowd of thousands of people dancing and shouting all of the words to anything. Crammed back on the muni and went back home, only to see a friend from nerd camp

I went to Disneyland. I cried a lot. The Wonderful World of Color. And oh, what a wonderful world it is.

I went to Identity. Holy shit.

I pushed my body for three days on four different drugs. Then I baked pear bread. I lay in M's bed having an existential crisis. He bought me flowers. I studied. I didn't see the sun for several days (there are no windows in the Civil Engineering Building). I worked hard. I learned. I am learning.

I met the most wonderful man, ever. He is everything I have ever dreamt of and so much more. Which is really perfect because, and let's face it: neither of us wanted it. But he is kind, gracious, gentle, intelligent, understanding, and driven. He is also much wiser than me and comprehends social dynamics much better, then articulates them eloquently. I think one of the things I like about him is that he is not the type to promise the moon and the stars, but simply delivers. Oh gross, look at this.

This year I learned about love. I learned how to be loved. And I learned I am loved in ways I do not deserve and let me tell you: it is humbling. I am so blessed to have you all.

"2011 was good to me. It was also my strangest year to date, which is how I measure success. I believe that if I'm living my life the way I should, the best year of my life will always be the last one that I lived. "Best year" doesn't mean that all of my hopes and dreams have come true. And a year where all of my hopes and dreams have come true wouldn't necessarily be my best, but perhaps just be my most unexpected one. Best year for me doesn't mean that everything was peachy. And in fact, for a best year to happen, things probably can't be all peachy. That's because a best year is one full of personal growth and change, variety, accomplishment on both a macro and micro-level, and an endless string of bizarre experiences to relay to you. And by that standard, 2011 has easily been my best year to date." - It Just Gets Stranger

Excitement, disappointment, love and strange. I am coming into my own. I discovering my identity and becoming more comfortable with who I am. So bring it, 2012!

Ecclesiastes

The Vanity of Life

1 The words of the Preacher, the son of David, aking in Jerusalem.

2 “Vanity b 1of vanities,” says the Preacher;

“Vanity of vanities, call is vanity.”

3 dWhat profit has a man from all his labor

In which he 2toils under the sun?

4 One generation passes away, and another generation comes;

eBut the earth abides forever.

5 fThe sun also rises, and the sun goes down,

And 3hastens to the place where it arose.

6 gThe wind goes toward the south,

And turns around to the north;

The wind whirls about continually,

And comes again on its circuit.

7 hAll the rivers run into the sea,

Yet the sea is not full;

To the place from which the rivers come,

There they return again.

8 All things are 4full of labor;

Man cannot express it.

iThe eye is not satisfied with seeing,

Nor the ear filled with hearing.

9 jThat which has been is what will be,

That which is done is what will be done,

And there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which it may be said,

“See, this is new”?

It has already been in ancient times before us.

11 There is kno remembrance of former things,

Nor will there be any remembrance of things that are to come

By those who will come after.

The Grief of Wisdom

12 I, the Preacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13 And I set my heart to seek and lsearch out by wisdom concerning all that is done under heaven; mthis burdensome task God has given to the sons of man, by which they may be 5exercised. 14 I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and indeed, all is vanity and grasping for the wind.

15 nWhat is crooked cannot be made straight,

And what is lacking cannot be numbered.

16 I communed with my heart, saying, “Look, I have attained greatness, and have gained omore wisdom than all who were before me in Jerusalem. My heart has 6understood great wisdom and knowledge.” 17 pAnd I set my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this also is grasping for the wind.

18 For qin much wisdom is much grief,

And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.

The Vanity of Pleasure

2 I said ain my heart, “Come now, I will test you with bmirth;1therefore enjoy pleasure”; but surely, cthis also was vanity. 2 I said of laughter—“Madness!”; and of mirth, “What does it accomplish?” 3 dI searched in my heart how 2to gratify my flesh with wine, while guiding my heart with wisdom, and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was egood for the sons of men to do under heaven all the days of their lives.

4 I made my works great, I built myself fhouses, and planted myself vineyards. 5 I made myself gardens and orchards, and I planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made myself water pools from which to 3water the growing trees of the grove. 7 I acquired male and female servants, and had 4servants born in my house. Yes, I had greater possessions of herds and flocks than all who were in Jerusalem before me. 8 gI also gathered for myself silver and gold and the special treasures of kings and of the provinces. I acquired male and female singers, the delights of the sons of men, and 5musical instruments of all kinds.

9 hSo I became great and 6excelled imore than all who were before me in Jerusalem. Also my wisdom remained with me.

10 Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them.

I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure,

For my heart rejoiced in all my labor;

And jthis was my 7reward from all my labor.

11 Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done

And on the labor in which I had toiled;

And indeed all was kvanity and grasping for the wind.

There was no profit under the sun.

The End of the Wise and the Fool

12 Then I turned myself to consider wisdom land madness and folly;

For what can the man do who succeeds the king?—

Only what he has already mdone.

13 Then I saw that wisdom nexcels folly

As light excels darkness.

14 oThe wise man’s eyes are in his head,

But the fool walks in darkness.

Yet I myself perceived

That pthe same event happens to them all.

15 So I said in my heart,

“As it happens to the fool,

It also happens to me,

And why was I then more wise?”

Then I said in my heart,

“This also is vanity.”

16 For there is qno more remembrance of the wise than of the fool forever,

Since all that now is will be forgotten in the days to come.

And how does a wise man die?

As the fool!

17 Therefore I hated life because the work that was done under the sunwas distressing to me, for all is vanity and grasping for the wind.

18 Then I hated all my labor in which I had toiled under the sun, because rI must leave it to the man who will come after me. 19 And who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will rule over all my labor in which I toiled and in which I have shown myself wise under the sun. This also is vanity. 20 Therefore I turned my heart and despaired of all the labor in which I had toiled under the sun. 21 For there is a man whose labor is with wisdom, knowledge, and skill; yet he must leave his 8heritage to a man who has not labored for it. This also is vanity and a great evil. 22 sFor what has man for all his labor, and for the striving of his heart with which he has toiled under the sun? 23 For all his days are tsorrowful, and his work burdensome; even in the night his heart takes no rest. This also is vanity.

24 uNothing is better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should enjoy good in his labor. This also, I saw, was from the hand of God. 25 For who can eat, or who can have enjoyment, 9more than I? 26 For God gives vwisdom and knowledge and joy to a man who is good in His sight; but to the sinner He gives the work of gathering and collecting, that whe may give to him who isgood before God. This also is vanity and grasping for the wind.