E: blame it on the ininininininininsomnia
You may find peace in loving someone from a distance not expecting something in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.
There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship.
We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.
You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.
Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself.
Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn't mean you failed in love.
Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.
There are two ways to live your life:
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive. no past so bitter that love cannot accept.
And no love so little that we cannot start all over with.
They tend to go out on the town in pairs, I’ve noticed: the conventionally pretty one, all dolled up and shining, and her average-looking friend, who’s barely had time to do her hair. The pretty one, I have a hunch, is generally the instigator. With the plainer one by her side, she thinks she’ll look even more dazzling than usual. And the plainer one goes along with the idea because she wants to bask in her friend’s glow—or maybe because she just doesn’t get out much. I don’t know. I do know, however, that when I spot them and manage to push in beside them at the bar, I often feel sorry for the pretty one.
Because she’s about to learn she’s not the pretty one.
“What are you girls drinking?”
The pretty one answers for both of them in most cases. Hers is the dominant personality, and her heels are higher, too. The plainer one (the supposedly plainer one) isn’t wearing heels. They hurt her feet, and she’s not afraid to say so because she has no image to preserve. This makes her much easier to talk to. It also makes her more interesting to talk to—and, as the night wears on, to look at. By then, see, the bar is full of pretty women, and pretty women tend to look quite similar. They may not look similar before they dress and put on makeup, but afterward they do.
“Where in Ohio?” I ask the plainer one, who doesn’t look half so plain now. I like her nose. I like the fact she has one. The pretty one had a nose at one time, but she hired a surgeon to cut most of it off.
“Akron.”
“I love that city,” I exaggerate. “It’s so…I don’t know…so…”
“Depressing?”
“Industrial.”
That’s when the pretty one, who’s tired of standing around with nothing to do but check out her look-alikes and estimate her own rank in the evening’s pageant, wanders off to use the bathroom. I don’t really notice; I like her friend. Her friend has hands that are too big for her wrists, and when she gestures with them to make a point, I’m mesmerized by their power, their vitality. I’d like to hold them, to feel them on my back. I bet they’re warm—much warmer than the pretty one’s, which are small and slender but look icy.
{campaign}
{this dress}
{this feeling}
grace
You are so weird. Name:
Date: 2/22/2009
Colorgenics Number: 04671352
Presently, you are trying to break away from a situation that is causing you considerable worry and concern. Things are getting on top of you and you are feeling depressed almost to breaking point. Obviously there must be a way out - but at this time the solution seems to be escaping you. You want to 'get away from it all' and as a consequence you appear to be sullen and introverted and refuse to get involved in any discussion or arguments which could aggravate the situation. Accept the fact that 'as you feel - so your body will respond' and 'pretend' to the world about you that everything is going beautifully as, if you act as if 'all is going well' everything will, whether you believe it or not, work out as you would like it to.
For some time now you may have been subjected to considerable physical illness and or emotional distress. This may have taken a severe toll and you feel both physically and mentally worn out. Your self esteem has been reduced and you now need a peaceful environment which will permit you to effect full recovery.
You feel unhappy because you feel that you are not able to obtain the co-operation of those around you. All you would like at this time would be to achieve harmony within your circle.
Nobody seems to understand you at this moment for everything you suggest or do seems to be taken up the wrong way. All of this misunderstanding is leading to anxiety and stress. The situation naturally is not as you would like it to be - you feel that you are being treated most unfairly and that trust, affection and understanding are being withheld from you and that you are being treated with a demeaning lack of consideration. You consider yourself being denied the appreciation essential to your well being and self-esteem and that there is nothing you can do about it. You feel that whatever you try to do to change the situation, you are getting nowhere fast. You would really like to get away from it all but can't find the energy or the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.
You seem to be always on the defensive and that is because you have failed to establish yourself in a manner consistent with your own high opinion of yourself. You are trying to prove yourself with inadequate resources and this has resulted in considerable stress. You are trying to escape from these excessive demands on your reserves by adopting a defensive attitude in which you refuse to be committed or to be involved in further unpleasantness.
What?!"Yesterday, one of my good friends and I were talking about friendship. Not your regular let's-go-play-on-the-swings friendship, but whether you can be friends with someone after they've hurt you. Answer: no. You can't. Despite extensive brilliant logic and more than one flowchart between us, we concluded that being friends with someone who's hurt you can only lead to suffering. You can't smile and have witty repartee when you're inwardly seething with bitterness. Well, maybe you won't always seethe. But what is a friend? Someone you like, trust, enjoy spending time with, can be yourself around, and wish happiness. Take out any of those factors and that person is not your friend.
Sometimes it works. You can say to someone "hey, you hurt me. You suck and I hate you." and maybe they will apologize, and if that doesn't work, grovel. And maybe you can slowly rebuild a friendship from there, from a place of brutal truth. But this only works if you are part of the population which experiences anger before sadness. But this friend and I are the opposite. First we get sad because we feel hurt and betrayed. Only later, when explaining our woes to our friends, does our frustration and fury build into a crescendo, and THEN we're mad. Boy, are we mad. We want to smash the perpetrator to a pulp (or get someone else to do it for us). But wait... in our sad phase, like Picasso's Blue Period, we already agreed to be friends, to salvage what's left of an obviously broken connection. (haha, from here I speak for myself and myself alone.) Why do we agree to that friendship that isn't? Because it's a copout. It's a way to keep the person close when they really just want to get away from you: maybe to keep tabs on them, maybe to make them jealous, maybe to exact revenge, maybe all of the above. But after a while, you see that you're trapped... the anger that surfaces too late must be repressed. Because you're FRIENDS. And when you hang out, hug them, and plaster a smile on your face, it's too late to be mad. It's too late to tell them to get lost, or even to tell them you wish you'd said that a lot sooner. And it makes you feel helpless, like a doormat or a puppet, because the other person has all the power and there's nothing you can do about it because you agreed to this state of affairs.
But we're not the only ones at fault. Let's take a close look at that person who hurt you. Why do they want to be friends? At this point maybe you'll hear a litany of compliments/excuses. You're so cool, I like hanging out with you, it happened so long ago, we're totally different now. But when it really comes to the crunch, they're insecure and afraid that you hate them. They don't want you to hate them. They may or may not be sorry, they may or may not want to make amends, but they're not willing to put in the effort and they don't want to walk the earth knowing that there's someone who hates their guts. They want to be forgiven, and then they want to ride off carefree into the sunset. Here's the good news and bad news all rolled into one: The hate subsides, but the hurt doesn't. If you're hurt, you can't be yourself around someone, and you don't wish them happiness. You don't particularly like them, even if they're generally a good person, and you definitely don't trust them. Maybe you enjoy being around them, but why? Because it feels like it used to before they hurt you? That happiness is a lie, so it doesn't count. There you go, all the friend factors denied. You can't be friends. Q.E.D. and the little square at the end of trigonometric proofs. So don't worry, we may forgive you in time... but we won't forget.
What is the point of this mini-novel? If you have to make a flowchart, he's just not that into you. Love the people who love you, and be indifferent to the ones who don't. You don't have to seethe with anger, but it's okay not to be friends."
I just deflated my own high.
But i want to be friends!
I don't understand!
Yes, it hurts, but its so easy,lighthearted, natural.Like breathing, like feeling, like
I don't know. It just hurts. I don't have a metaphor for that.
But I had so much fun! why?!
Masochist!
I want to find the balance between settling and being satisfied.
The balance between wanting to pamper and spoil you, and hating your guts.
The balance between having my walls and defenses up, and being carefree.
But, damn. Today was fun.
Getting lost up to fremont
Jesus why'd i date that motherchucker.
getting my butt kicked at pool. (not billiards!)
orangetree back :)
"She loves you," the Prince cried, "She loves you still and you love her, so think of that - think of this too: in all the world, you might have been happy, genuinely happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, not really, no matter what the storybooks say, but you could have had it, and so, I would think, no one will ever suffer a loss as great as you"
Who said all princes were good? Give me a Dread Pirate Roberts any day.
Spring is coming :) 
M met me halfway (2.4 miles!)
WHYYYYY D:
Happy Valentine's day, sweetheart!!! 
LoLCat
Half of DL's collection
My teacher :)
Happy birthday Caleb!!!
Mudslide: 1 pt Khalua, 1 pt Irish Cream, 1 pt...?!?! :( I cannot remember.
Ah-ah ah-ah ah-al-co-hol
...gah.
you bastards.
Jenny D:
"You can be my princess"
Love letter from H
Dear Jharvis. How did they con you into this one?
Red Velvet Cupcakes :) Thanks Amy (I think you should tell me your real name :( )
"Do you hear me? I'm talkin' to you"
Siffya is amazing :O
Chopping 8 oz. of 72% Dark Chocolate
Ganache ( Chocolate with Heavy Cream) Looks like mud, I know...But it gets better!
Hardened Ganache after 40 minutes
Almost there!
Tastees for my sweethearts :)
With love
Always have, always will.