"I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace."

- Dalai Lama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ3d3KigPQM&feature=player_embedded

My City

One of these days I want to walk and take pictures, preferably before I got to Germany

Never Stop

"GO LOOK OUTSIDE!!!" said the messages that blinked furiously on my window.
Boy, am I glad i did.
Incredible.
I've never actually seen positive graffiti/tagging in my neighborhood (the rare scribbles that do appear are illegible) But sprinting out into my street, first barefoot, asphalt pricking my feet, then a second time with mismatched clothes (XL basketball shorts and black flats with my International Secret Agent shirt?). And I don't even care about the spelling.

Just to prove I was there.Really. They were in love about 5 seconds before I took this. (Sometimes, I'm amazed at how pretty my school is)

Sso many wonderful things happened today! I don't know, even when things look terrible and I do feel like running away from my problems, good things happen. I believe its important to document them, since everytime I'm inclined to be negative, a voice repeats in my head "There are good things in the world. There are good things in this world. There is a good life for you. " So on to the sunshine!
We are both in, TNB and I. Rebuilding, but willing to work. Thank you, TNB, and E, for supporting us <3>
Finding out I'm not alone - James has chest pain too. So strange. It's not an ache, but more of string arbitrarily wound and pulled tight, cutting. Does this happen to any of you?
^Magical signs. A few of my favorite things - Bartholomew and Manraff ("What do you call a man giraffe?" "Duh, a Manraff!!!") Both Manraff and the chapstick were surprises from Vu today :)
Bursting into "Come What May" with Amers
comfort from Jackie, Abby and Amers at lunch (helloooooo estrogen!)
Appreciating all the Nice Guys out there with Linda (oh, are they sexy)
James' understanding
Life is good :)

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." -Coelho, The Alchemist

I would love to find this little robot sitting on my porch waiting for me, a placard, post-it, voice box telling me the exact same thing.

"Cast all your anxieties on He who cares for you" - 2 Peter (something or other, my memory for this thing sucks)

Glorious

Really, I regret not spending more time outdoors. Sometimes I feel a slight tugging when i pass from car to garage, telling me to stay and breathe in the fresh air.

Hmm....lately, I haven't been blogging much, because really, I think i've realized
i have everything i want.
Platonic boys, romantic boys, emily, dw, amers (SATC HOLLAAA) ... my family (of sorts)
Yining was right, its unbelievably difficult to express joy via blogging. As if it could be contained.
I prefer for it to radiate out of me, through me, from every orifice of my body.


So, inspired by mara, from in so many words, I want to start saying something every week about something I like about someone else (or why I am deeply in love with them!), regardless of whether or not they read my blog. Let's all embrace our inner beauty
So to


Edit: i realized this post is unfinished, but i will leave expression for another time, and begin my adventure tonight :)
I love you all.

Mimic

James: soften up

James:

James: I will bring the sunsets to you

"…Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

— Marianne Williamson

I Just Want You

Hi, this is Kimbo's subconscious speaking.
Normally, she would be concerned with political correctness, and be rendered mute in a stream of consciousness kind of way.
But!
I am here to tell you, that she is exhausted, and very much wants to punch people in the face.

Perhaps she will go to bed soon.

The Truth

": i think

" you're beautiful in lots of ways.

" i have yet to describe them with words though

" i think i've grown to love the way you look, kim.

" you are reallyyyy special in that kind of way.


"You are pretty."
" you lie."
"shut up, you're gorgeous."

The Archipelago of Kisses

We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don't
grow on trees, like in the old days. So where
does one find love? When you're sixteen it's easy,
like being unleashed with a credit card
in a department store of kisses. There's the first kiss.
The sloppy kiss. The peck.
The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we
shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lips
taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss.
The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss.
The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad
sometimes kiss. The I know
your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. As you get
older, kisses become scarce. You'll be driving
home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road,
with its purple thumb out. If you
were younger, you'd pull over, slide open the mouth's
red door just to see how it fits. Oh where
does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile.
Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.
Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss.
Now what? Don't invite the kiss over
and answer the door in your underwear. It'll get suspicious
and stare at your toes. Don't water the kiss with whiskey.
It'll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters,
but in the morning it'll be ashamed and sneak out of
your body without saying good-bye,
and you'll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left
on the inside of your mouth. You must
nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights. Notice how it
illuminates the room. Hold it to your chest
and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a
special beach. Place it on the tongue's pillow,
then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath
a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C.
But one kiss levitates above all the others. The
intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss.
The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss.
Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth,
like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

I really want a book from Jeffrey McDaniel - the splinter factory or the forgiveness parade.
Why? Why a book on poetry?
Well, let me show you...

...I was prepared to chase

after you and whisper you have beautiful

footsteps when the truth is you make

my toes tingle like the capital of Venezuela.

I know loving me isn't easy--the all-night

helicopter parties, the glow-in-the-dark

haircuts, but when I look at you

it's like praying with my eyes....

...I hate when people ask if she even knew I was there.

The point is I knew, holding the one-sided

conversation of her hand. Once I believed the heart

was like a bar of soap--the more you use it,

the smaller it gets; care too much and it'll snap off

in your grasp. But when Grandma's last breath

waltzed from that room, my heart opened

wide like a parachute, and I realized she didn't die.

She simply found a silence she could call her own...

The last excerpt brought up a topic i've been avoiding. I always believed in hearts being made of paper. that people can rip out chunks and as hard as you try to piece it back together, it will never be the same again, the spider breaks running through, splintering . But maybe...
I knew i was screwed when I didn't turn and leave.

I'm not subtle. I think that's a given. So I knew you knew when i shrugged my shoulders and lied. I wanted to see you, so i went to find you. When you told me you missed me, I was torn between grinning like an idiot and crying. I feel like there's something always on your lips, unsaid. I want to know what it is. I want to lie with you, a hundred thousand afternoons in the grass, beneath the trees, shade, and sun. I want to memorize your face, your expressions, your nuances. I want to inhale the sweet scent of home. I ask you multiple times "Are you lying? really? honestly? are you sure?" because i want to give you chances to back out, or to tell the truth. I want to let you breathe, give you space and time to miss me. But secretly, I want to smother you with hugs and comfort, until contentment seeps out of your skin. I want to take a million and one photographs, hoping that I can capture part of you in each one, knowing I can't. You looked so good today, were so good, letting me examine every bit of you, lying on your side around me, and keeping your face tilted towards me even when i made you nervous.

I knew I was screwed when I asked you, that if i knew your big secret, do you think would I leave? You shook your head no.




I so desperately want my heart to be soft before you, and believe all the words you say.



"I miss you. You don't have to believe me, I just wanted to let you know."

12 more hours...

Reminding me of a few drivers i know >)

Maybe its too early to celebrate, but only one more AP test to go! And I haven't studied (because really, how can you study for English? My version of studying is soaking up all the stories and tales i find via internet). Got my ass kicked by chemistry today, which left me in a really shitty mood afterward.
The Mermaidfuckers popped up in my head at lunch - actually lately the most arbitrary memories have.
...At least being trapped in a room for 4+ hours filling in bubbles makes me appreciate bursting out the door and taking deep breaths of fresh air. But it also makes me want to rip off my proctor's head. I do believe summer is almost here. Lately the California weather has been lovely, warm and breezy.

"You will only expect a few words. What will those be? When the heart is full it may run over; but the real fullness stays within... Words can never tell you... how perfectly dear you are to me - perfectly dear to my heart and soul. I look back and in every one point, every word and gesture, every letter, every silence - you have been entirely perfect to me- I would not change one word, one look, My hope and aim are to preserve this love, not to fall from it - for which I trust to God, who procured it for me, and doubtless can preserve it. Enough now, my dearest own Ba! You have given me the highest, completest proof of love that ever one human being gave another. I am all gratitude- and all pride...that my life has been so crowned by you."

-Robert Browning to Elizabeth Barrett on the morning of their wedding day (1846) ( Great Love Letters By Great Men)

"What's wrong with both?"

I won't settle for less.
That's what I'd like to think, anyways.
I was thinking a lot this week about how I'd like to be with someone who isn't scared, who has the capacity to take his sadness and mine and still be there. I am now very confused.

dw: cause the only time guys really do that i love you crap

dw: even if it seems like its just like a greeting

dw: but its like if you guys are talking this much

dw: there's prolly something more going on

dw: if its said enough

dw: it lowers your guard

dw: and then he can get closer

dw: maybe you like sucky boys

dw: cause you like taking care of people

dw: but they suck

dw: and that's a problem

k: but i like being taken care of also

dw: yea well the problem with people who need to be taken care of

dw: is they suck at taking care of you

But come to think of it, i loathe taking care of people. I'll just do it because I love them, but i hate it and the responsibility it brings. I love Love, but hate her two children, jealousy and regret. Bonus points if you know the reference :)

"What if i cry on you?"
"I'll be there."

Little Robot's Big Adventure

See more funny videos and Technology Videos at Today's Big Thing.

A robot is left in the north east corner of Washington Square Park. Will he be able to make it to the southwest corner!? The fate of the universe lies in his tiny metal hands.

Simply adorable.

Just for kicks

This just makes me smile :) Did you notice he has asian eyes? but he still has cornrows? but the peace sign?

"can you like sleep 6hrs+ for me tonight?

" for you?

"yes

" i guess so..what time am i waking up?

" you better >:[

" until you've slept 6hrs+

"i'm so tired and i'm not sleepy

": sleep

": just lie down

": and think of me lol

": how do you know i'll be thinking of you?!?!

": that's what i'm gonna do

": i think.

What the hell was that today?
Tired, incapable of keeping a conversation atm
thanks for driving us dw
sorry for chris&kevin's bitching ==



although, i'm waiting for someone to prove me wrong.
They are mean, unkind, disgusting, and unnecessary

": it won't happen again

": i don't believe you

": i understand you wouldn't

": and even though you won't accept it, i'm still sorry

": we're stupid, it can't be helped
^ what kind of bullshit excuse is that!?

Feels like insoommniaaa.
and here i am, awake at 3 in the morning, once again. What a familiar feeling.

Shadows prove the light

So everyone doesn't like TNB.
I've thought about it, and i'm okay with that.
Go ahead, test TNB. I want you to.
I don't want someone who won't try, especially someone who makes me sad.
Go ahead, dw & e. Give TNB all you got, cause I know your razing will be far more thorough than mine would be. And do it because, i hope, you love me, and not because you dislike TNB.
Please.



On the upside of today, I watched IndepenDance 2009 with ah! and rhyan :) it was heartbreakingly beautiful. Yes, I cried. only a little bit. I don't know why urbanski didn't show, but i was looking forward to hanging out with her and ah!. ah well. Deborah sat with us for the second half, she intimidates me, i dont' know why. I'm excited to see the show again this saturday :)

:) I am truly blessed; it seems as if whenever i'm confused or upset, there are people there for me.

JL is too cute :) I think we're getting to be friends and, for me, that's quite exciiiiitinggggg (mostly because I didn't think he liked me when I met him == )

"your'e smart, i'm sure you have your opinions and if you didnt care, you wouldnt ask. =) i'm going to infer and say you care about meeeesss <3">

jl : uhhh

jl: duhh

jl: ?

" really?!?!? =DDDDDDDDDD awwws jefferson =)

jl: siigh* i don't like seeing ppl stressed

"look at it as a way of trying to find a balance then, of putting a little bit of trust but not too much into him"

I hope things work out wonderfully for you JL and that you are happy and unstressed!

And as always, AH! is there for me

AH!: you're hot!

AH!: <3333

AH!: and not even in the friendly way, i remember finding you extremely attractive when i first met you

(Although, since i had met AH! my freshman year, I find this hard to believe. I do remember this senior who said, and I quote, "I thought you were a loser when i met you." )

AH: I will pray for you

AH: I love you, you see

k: <3>

k: and it makes me want to hug things when i am reminded again and again that you love me

AH: I am pretty sure that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

AH: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I love you even more.

And Jonasty, who i've recently started talking to again :) I love the pictures we send to each other, and the 3 AM webcamming. I LOOOVEOVOEOOEOEOE YOUOUOUOUUU. "Y YU ATTRACTED TO STUPIDZ?!?!?!"


"I'll see you tomorrow?" " If you want" " 'course" " then you will" ":]"


i don't want to be a substitute. or a second choice.
..i want my heart to be considered a treasure when i give it away


Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Okay Dad. If You say so. Sometimes (all the time) i think (know) i have trouble (major) hearing Him.

yeah, you're probably right, dw & e.

no trusty boys for kimbo :)

on the plus side
holy fuck
cute cute cute cute cute cute hotness.
seriously.
pedo, much
things are a lot better in my head.

I'll be your secret l-o-v-e-r

recap?
May 2nd, 2009?
Met so many people and with so many who it'd be too creeper to compliment :X
Met jason. amazing eyes & smile
Kevin should be a preacher mos def, sonorous voice
aaron's got some magical hands
<3> i want to be your secret lover! i wont tell anyone you're OPENING A BANK ACCOUNT
abraham looks good shirtless with an apron. roffle.
dom's dancing
srs mahjong now, people.
johhnsoooonnn =) hello mister president. you are quite lovable.
jlsquared make my stomach hurt.
"press the button. *ding*"

jl: tch tch tch

jl: why u goo goo ga ga ing teh bad booyyys

* I swear i heard his voice in my head. Haven't seen him do the duhncing.
PEOPLE HAVE SOME FREAKING CRAZY MUSCLES.
dw & e time :) nothing fits. nomnomnomomomom
since when do no longer relate to guys my age? much easier to trust the older and younger ones. strange.

jl: be you then!

jl: and do wat u gotta do!

jl: that rhymed so well

=.= something is wrong when more than one person tells me that in such a short amount of time, dw, e, jlai.

I'M STILL NOT A CREEPER. 'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.



oh yeah,
so taking people's advice
i realized i hated what i was acting like, so unlike myself
so i told him and it was the biggest epic fail ever
had to say it four freaking times. i cracked up at my laptop because it was just so sad.
took dw's point
" i like you. like. like-like you."
I am constantly reminded how much I lack in terms of interacting with others.
I feel so much better after just saying it, though. just one more thing i don't' need to hide from him :) or anyone, for that matter. Even if I don't really know what I want, but knowing that I can't, I wont' trust anyone, I feel better regardless.
Hopefully this'll work as planned; I can't afford to lose anymore of myself to other people.
On that note, I'm kind of glad the whole trusting males came up this year; It allowed me to get closer to them sexy ladies. E, Dw, Abby, Amers, Jenny, asu I'm talking to you <3>

It's noisy, but i like it.
Met abraham, kevin today
like hanging out with them

Soft hearts and steel strings

I can serenade :) thankyou abby.
Studied so long with James, Jenny, and Abby; i'm surprised we're not sick of each other.
mixed feelings, but i' know what i'm going to do and that feels nice.
I haven't been myself, and, quite frankly, I hate it.
no subtlety, yeah? that's me. I like you if i like you i love you if i love you i hate you if i hate you.



Was in a really bad mood, then i stumbled upon this video^
It sounds best blasted from my speakers, the piano, cello, beats intertwined.
I love how you can see schmidt and nelson's passion. (the smiles are amazing, no? pure pleasure)
Doing what you love.
I want to find that, whatever it is.
I can't decide whether i love watching or hearing it more
Boo on viva la vida (i'm just not a fan)
Dexterity, talent, passion, drive
Oh, and the dedication helps to soften my embittered heart:

"

http://www.jonschmidt.com Hi...Jon Schmidt here. This arrangement is dedicated to Sarah, my 7 year old daughter who loves the song Love Story by Taylor Swift. Because of a common rhythm element between the tunes, I decided I could mish/mash the two. My great friend Steven Sharp Nelson (cello percussion) really makes this tune. (http://stevensharpnelson.com )

The download will be available from my site (http://www.jonschmidt.com) in a couple of weeks.

The entire album which will be titled "Bonus Tracks" will be available on iTunes summer 2009. Sheet music will also be available at my site May 2009.

I am an unsigned recording artist and composer.

All songs from all my albums can be listened to for free on my site: http://www.jonschmidt.com

I have transcribed many of them for piano. The first 2
pages of each song can be previewed before purchasing.

There are also several free song and sheet music downloads including All of Me PDF and MP3

I am also on I-tunes, Amazon, etc.

Arranged by Jon Schmidt. Co-arranged by Steven Sharp Nelson Recorded at Big Idea studios Engineered by Jake Bowen and Chuck Myers. Produced by Jon Schmidt. Co- produced by Chuck Myers. "Love Story" written by Taylor Swift. "Viva la Vida" written by: Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland, Will Champion, Chris Martin. Video Produced by Amenat Studios. Directed by Matthew Mclelland. Director of Photography Patrick Ryan Gass "

Edit: Okay, I can't help but repeating this cover over and over again. It makes me feel incredible, to feel the harmonies and melody flood over me, taking me elsewhere (And I generally would rather be anywhere but here). Its magnificent. I am truly, madly, deeply, head over heels. Who said you couldn't love THINGS? I love the softness, the quiet way the beats crescendo until the piano begins, combining with the gentle rhythmic plucking... oh dear god i love it. i want it. i need it. breathe it. in, out, can't have enough, i need more. Something ethereal, something that can ground me. Something magickal. I feel the notes cascading down, through me, and i'm blessed just to listen, i don't i can't i won't leave any mark on it, but to pass it on to others.
Maybe you can feel the same? Maybe I am overly romantic.
Who knows?

k: so i think i'm going to tell him i like him

DW: LOL

K: so he goes berserk and stays away from me

DW: LOOL

DW: just be you kimberly!

DW: thats what kimberly young would do!

K: I'VE ALREADY BEEN QUIET FOR A HELLA LONG TIME

DW: say it straight up

K: THIS IS WAYYYYYY UNCHARACTERISTIC OF ME

DW: I KNOW

k: because i wanted to see what he was like

k: I CAN'T BE SUBTLE FOR MY LIFE.

dw: HAHAHA

dw: SO DONT!

dw: no reason to start now.

dw: bessiddes faster you get it out there faster you guys can either get it on or get it over with

k: well i don't even want to get on it -.-

dw: LOL

k: i get DAREISAY, QUIET!

dw: :OOOOOOO

dw: THATS NOT THE KIMBERLY I KNOW

dw: ah kimberly

dw: disillusioned attraction

dw: funstuff.

Steel hearts and soft strings.