I really want a book from Jeffrey McDaniel - the splinter factory or the forgiveness parade.
Why? Why a book on poetry?
Well, let me show you...

...I was prepared to chase

after you and whisper you have beautiful

footsteps when the truth is you make

my toes tingle like the capital of Venezuela.

I know loving me isn't easy--the all-night

helicopter parties, the glow-in-the-dark

haircuts, but when I look at you

it's like praying with my eyes....

...I hate when people ask if she even knew I was there.

The point is I knew, holding the one-sided

conversation of her hand. Once I believed the heart

was like a bar of soap--the more you use it,

the smaller it gets; care too much and it'll snap off

in your grasp. But when Grandma's last breath

waltzed from that room, my heart opened

wide like a parachute, and I realized she didn't die.

She simply found a silence she could call her own...

The last excerpt brought up a topic i've been avoiding. I always believed in hearts being made of paper. that people can rip out chunks and as hard as you try to piece it back together, it will never be the same again, the spider breaks running through, splintering . But maybe...
I knew i was screwed when I didn't turn and leave.

I'm not subtle. I think that's a given. So I knew you knew when i shrugged my shoulders and lied. I wanted to see you, so i went to find you. When you told me you missed me, I was torn between grinning like an idiot and crying. I feel like there's something always on your lips, unsaid. I want to know what it is. I want to lie with you, a hundred thousand afternoons in the grass, beneath the trees, shade, and sun. I want to memorize your face, your expressions, your nuances. I want to inhale the sweet scent of home. I ask you multiple times "Are you lying? really? honestly? are you sure?" because i want to give you chances to back out, or to tell the truth. I want to let you breathe, give you space and time to miss me. But secretly, I want to smother you with hugs and comfort, until contentment seeps out of your skin. I want to take a million and one photographs, hoping that I can capture part of you in each one, knowing I can't. You looked so good today, were so good, letting me examine every bit of you, lying on your side around me, and keeping your face tilted towards me even when i made you nervous.

I knew I was screwed when I asked you, that if i knew your big secret, do you think would I leave? You shook your head no.




I so desperately want my heart to be soft before you, and believe all the words you say.



"I miss you. You don't have to believe me, I just wanted to let you know."