You're a good listener. You have this very intense way about you - something unnerving - that reminds me of TNB. That's why I can't ever date you. I would never sign my life away like that again. Honestly, the cons are not about you, its about me. That's self-centered, sure, but I'd be a fool not to guard myself. Can't hand out love like candy, you know. I thought I was over this - I mean, I clearly had this conversation with you, but you...don't...recall. Once I decided not to give a shit, my life gets so much easier. None of this jumpy, fluttery mushy shit. But you never really asked me what I wanted, just like I never asked you out, or whether or not the crush was reciprocal - it isn't about you.
He had me because he was alone, he didn't have anyone else. I don't want that. I want to come as I am, and for you to do the same. I don't want you to want this because your friends say so, or my friends say so, or I try to invent reasons to walk home with you, or because I reached out first. I want you to want me just because. Not because I'm conveniently hanging out with your friends, or because it just "makes sense" or the way I make you feel - because that would make it all about you, wouldn't it? Not because it makes you feel special, or that its a confidence booster, or because "its a learning experience", or because you enjoy being pursued. You're so similar it scares me. Both passive, quiet, prefer one-on-one talks. I swear you quote him. People ask me if I'm afraid to get close, and why the hell wouldn't I be? I'd be a fool not to be. Also, I despise waiting on other people to define our relationship. If anything were to happen, he and I would meet on equal ground, as partners and friends. None of this power struggle, wishy-washy, miss you hate you crap. I'd rather be alone and without you than be with someone who's only settling out of convenience.
No convenient relationships, sir. I'll be damned to continue this if you don't prove yourself. If everyone else has to, why shouldn't you? You are so special, and you don't see that - but why should I prove it to you if our relationship centers on only you?
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