"Selfishness is healthy. After a break-up, you absolutely must be selfish. You must immerse yourself in new experiences, activities, relationships to help create a new identity. All of the mental energy you possess must be devoted to repair and self-restoration. Nothing else. Otherwise your identity from the past remains your identity in the present. I don’t want to be the person I was in that relationship- I didn’t love myself. And I don’t love myself as long as I am still hung up on the devastation of it all. You must change EVERYTHING- experiment, risk, explore. Putting yourself out on a limb makes you stronger and more confident. Only you can change, there is nothing external that will initiate the process. I choose my thoughts; I choose my behaviors; I choose my proactivity. No one else can change these things. This is my biggest trap. I want some event to turn it all around, but this isn’t how it works. Change is a daily process- it is a lifestyle. Incremental, not overnight."
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